the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
