i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
