You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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