saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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