I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
