Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
