I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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