I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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