DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize