Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
