I think I won the penis lottery.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
