I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
