I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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