i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
