Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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