Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
