I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
