What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
cat food counts as protein by the way
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
