I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
