Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
