You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize