You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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