this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
