I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
