cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
