You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
