so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
