just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
