I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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