the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
