I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
