He kissed a someone with a penis
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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