so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
