apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
