There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
