In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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