guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
