I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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