Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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