No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
