glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize