Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
