I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
