dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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