Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
