its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
