Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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