Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
