i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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