the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
