she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
