i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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