I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
