Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you would pick up someone in the library
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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