I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize