Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
