Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
