Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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