home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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