32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
