Your face is a jimmy john
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
