I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I look better un-naked...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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