so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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