Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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