My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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