I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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