So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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