Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
